About this human vessel
Well, hello there.
Thanks for visiting my digital corner on Medium. I’ll proceed to answer a few questions about this fine establishment and myself as well. A sort of “I.A.Q” (Infrequently Asked Questions”).
“Who the hell are you?”
First of all, refrain from such language, OK? I am probably older than you. I go by the name of Pedro and I am in my mid-thirties. I live in sunny Portugal. I studied Psychology in college some time ago, but i dropped out (just like Mark Zuckerberg and Bill Gates, mind you). Meanwhile, I’ve dabbled extensively in graphic design, douchebaggery and donuts.
“What do you mean “human vessel”?
I actually come from an advanced alien civilization (many people don’t know it, even “relatives”), who have IQs over 160. However, some beings over there are not really smart, with IQs just a third of the norm. They’re called “Rejects” (they’re not very good with language and are somewhat cold), being routinely shipped off to Earth where they can mingle and “thrive”. In my original form, I am quite ugly (think Predator in the Arnold Schwarzenegger movie, but even uglier). In my Earthling form, I am just ugly. That’s a win.
“What is the purpose of this blog?”
The purpose is, obviously, is that you find the meaning of life after reading exactly three random articles. All kidding aside, the purpose is to entertain myself, nothing less, nothing more. If you’re entertained as well, that’s a happy byproduct, I guess.I also have my personal goals (like getting better at a foreign language like English).
“What about the scope of it all? Entertain how?”
The scope of it all will be terribly, frighteningly limited. Here are some themes: TV Shows, Ducks, Movies (of course), Donuts (goes without saying), Pyramids, The History of Jupiter And Surrounding Universe, General Idiocy (a classic), Cucumbers, “The Office”, Vegetarians Without Borders (don’t ask), Crooked Dices, Gaming, Almighty Conan O’Brien (Only and True God), Random Capitalization, Sustainable Agriculture, Hipster Emojis, Alabama and, of course, Love. You just can’t forget Love.
I am planning to write a couple of short stories with fantasy and sci-fi undertones. Besides that, I have this Big Idea in my idea concerning whimsical biographies that is exciting me. They will be published here and on Amazon, most likely. It’s currently in development and I’ll let you on the exclusive details as soon as possible.
“Do you own pets?”
Unfortunately, no.
“Why?”
Mind your own business.
“Can I shoot you an email just for hating purposes, for example?
Of course. Just use the appropriate subject, so I can have everything neatly organized. Use the same email for non-hating reasons, making sure the subject is one of these:
“Hate Mail”: what we already discussed. My favorite kind of emails. By far. It’s not even a competition.
“Book Review”: If you want to me review a copy of your book, let me know. I can’t guarantee I will do it.
“Feedback”: to let me know what you think about the blog and its content. And so on. If you have a suggestion, that’s here too. Especially if it’s really laborious.
“The Lint”: If you have found an interesting piece of lint, I want to know, obviously. Especially, the one precariously deposited in the belly button. What kind of person would I be if I didn’t?
“Just a Whimsical Thought”: If a whimsical thought crossed your mind and you have nobody to share it with, I want to know! But, it has to be whimsical.
“Hate Mail”: Have you told about how much I like to receive them?
“What about fears?”
I fear spiders, although, It’s no longer a phobia. I can handle the little ones, now. I fear Math tests, even though I have not been in high school in the last twenty years. The nightmares confirm it. I fear fear itself, too.
“Social networks. What’s your philosophical take on them and do you have them?”
My philosophical take is on social networks is too deep for the general public and it might wreak your perspective on the whole world and beyond, so I’ll keep it to myself. I am on Twitter, though.
“Would you prefer to fight 1 horse-sized duck or 100 duck-sized horses?”
I answer to that is painfully obvious and I even resent you for asking that.
I do, sincerely, hope you enjoy your stay.
